The Privilege of Goodbye

Bring them to me. So often, especially during the holidays, we are inundated with euthanasia visits. For those of us in the field who were drawn here to heal, very few are here to focus on the end of life.

But for me, personally, I have a different perspective. I think euthanasia is the service we offer that I want to be involved in most. I recognize that makes me peculiar, and perhaps sound morbid, but hear me out.

We offer clients understanding and support. We offer patients compassion and a humane end to life. We offer our colleagues the knowledge that we did our part to ensure the service was provided with as much comfort and respect as possible. We remind them of a very special quote: "I will endure a lifetime of missing you for the privilege of loving you."

Euthanasia is so necessary - I'm not telling you anything you don’t know. The reasons a patient may be presented for euthanasia can vary: age, illness, incurable or untreatable conditions, limited finances or resources, behavioral issues, or even the controversy of overpopulation. I know this situation is difficult for the staff, as we all feel the loss of any animal.

We look at these animals and get emotionally attached to them. Maybe some of them we have seen for years, and saying goodbye to them is painful. Some animals may remind us of a beloved pet from our past, as we see the same sweetness in their eyes.

We talk with the owners and hear their heartbreak. We listen to stories about how naughty and nice they were over the years. We hug them. We walk them to their car. We wrap their beloved in a blanket for the last time.

Others we see come in that are in awful condition, or worse, seem perfectly healthy to us. We wonder if the owners are making the right choices. We start to think about what we would do if we were in their shoes. Should we say something? We wonder about what we don’t know.

These interactions, often multiple times daily, over your career, get to you. They impact your mental health. You experience grief, stress, and maybe burnout. Over a period of time, it can lead to compassion fatigue.

And outside of your colleagues, who can you talk to who knows about this feeling? Unless you have a significant other or family in the field, they don’t know what it is like. You can’t explain precisely how it weighs on you to those who have not experienced it.

The public isn’t always very kind about this either. They will say some of the most heartless and vile things. That we are only in it for the money. That we just kill the animals. That we don’t care. That anyone can do our jobs.

Many workplaces are understaffed and have little to no training or support for mental health issues, let alone those specifically targeted to end-of-life services. Luckily, many resources are available online. As we evolve and our needs are given a platform, some clinics are starting to provide training and support.

All that being said, I tell you to bring them to me. I know it hurts many of you to be included in these situations, often back to back, daily throughout your career. It doesn’t hurt me. I find it a sense of honor to share this incredibly significant time with a family as they make the difficult decision to say goodbye to a beloved family member.

I want to make sure they feel comfortable with their choices and have an unwavering conviction that they are doing what is best for all involved. I want to make sure they are allowed to share their pets' memories, talk about the good times and the bad, and say goodbye in the most peaceful and meaningful way possible. I want to make sure the staff is respectful of the choices that are made and don't speak disparagingly.

I want to ensure that we honor the departed with the utmost respect, in accordance with your wishes. It is important to me that the pet be honored and provided with the dignity and care it deserves. I want to do all this with compassion and sincerity.

I also know that no euthanasia visit is the same. Some people do not want to spend time with the pet, and haven’t the heart to stay. Others may need to wait for hours before they are ready to be parted. No matter where a person or family falls on that spectrum, I don’t judge them. I assure anyone who can’t stay, for whatever reason, that I will be with their loved one.

All this said, I still feel sad for the clients who are feeling devastated. I feel helpless for the housemates (pets) who have no idea where their friend has gone. My heart hurts for my colleagues who feel each loss is their own. I do feel all of that, but it is minor compared to knowing that I can make the last visit of that pet's life as peaceful, meaningful, and memorable as possible.

Having a choice in the manner of saying goodbye is something we can often choose, and in many places, plan for. For those not in the field, I encourage you to call your primary vet, urgent care vet, and emergency vet to find out their policies on euthanasia so you can plan for that eventual day. Having a family conversation about who would want to be at that visit and what your wishes are for aftercare is helpful so you are not having to make them during an emotionally charged time.

For those of us in the veterinary field, have open conversations in the clinic about what you can do to help each other with this situation. First, and most importantly, has the pet's owner provided all the information needed, following your facility's regulations? Second, does the client have any additional questions they want answered before moving forward? And third, does the doctor (or technician, depending on your facility and location) consent to perform this procedure?

Are there members of the team who are more comfortable and therefore best suited to handle these appointments? What can you do to help ease these appointments? Are you making your clients and patients as comfortable as possible?

Most importantly, have you considered challenging your thoughts on euthanasia? It might not change you completely, but it may help you refocus on the days that would have otherwise pushed you to the edge. You can make the last impression, so make it the best one. And however hard it is - whether you're deciding, supporting, or caring - know that you are not alone.